


Busted

by starhawk2005



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Het, Sex Toys, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-31
Updated: 2012-08-31
Packaged: 2017-11-13 06:56:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhawk2005/pseuds/starhawk2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Co-written with <b>n0m_de_plum</b> on LJ. House decides to amuse himself by practicing a little B&E on Cameron's apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Busted

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: House and Cameron don't belong to us. We intend to retain legal representatives and fix that oversight, however… *snerk*  
> Authors' Notes: Slightly spoilery of 'All In'. If you squint.

House was bored silly. He’d been stuck at that pathetic medical conference for six whole days, before he’d decided to skip on the last two. Come home early. Hey, he’d not only avoided a slew of completely boring lectures on new drug treatments for ‘limp-dick’ and blood pressure and what-have-you, but it would probably also piss off Cuddy into the bargain. Maybe enough that’d she’d pop out of her bra in indignation. Now _that’s_ entertainment.

It was on his way home from the airport, driving the Vette with the top down, that he started to think about how else he could entertain himself. He’d been gone six days, and he was sure his team of intrepid fellows was feeling pretty relaxed by now. They wouldn’t be expecting him back. Maybe he could make something of that. After the aggravation of the last week or so, it was time to balance it out with a little amusement.

Stopped at a red light, he pulled out his pill bottle and tossed back a Vicodin, winking mockingly at an older woman watching disapprovingly from the sidewalk. He wondered how to do this. Nothing more amusing than catching his minions off-balance.

Should he go to PPTH, and call them in for ‘an emergency’, despite the fact that it was Saturday, and he had no cases that he knew of (they would’ve called if there’d been one)? Once they got there, he could annoy them further by telling them the emergency was that he’d ‘missed’ them all…and that he had backlogged paperwork for them to finish for him. Haha.

Or maybe it would be better to launch individual attacks? He’d never even been to Chase’s apartment. Or Foreman’s. Maybe he could stop by, interrupt them. Tell them he was conducting a random drug test.

Or better still, if they weren’t home, he could pick the lock and poke around. Get some new ammo to zing them with at work. It never hurt to brush up on one’s breaking-and-entering skills. You never knew when a patient’s life might hinge on that particular bit of know-how.

Cameron’s place was closest, so he decided to cruise by. He didn’t have to decide right away what to do, after all.

Ten minutes later, and he was parked across the street. He could see her lights were on, however. Too bad. It would have amused him to pick the lock, sneak in, and raid her fridge. Just the sort of thing one would expect from him. Poke through her underwear drawer looking for thongs. He liked those.

But another evil thought soon occurred to him. She was home, probably pounding on her treadmill or watching some chick flick or even weeping over some crappy romance novel. It might be fun to quietly pick the lock, then sneak in and interrupt her. That would surely catch her off-balance, haha. He could always claim she’d left her door unlocked. Give her some lame or ridiculous excuse as to why he’d been there in the first place. He’d think of something. Or maybe he’d just say nothing, that was sure to annoy her in an amusing fashion.

He turned off the car, then limped up the damned stairs. Almost changing his mind about the whole thing halfway up. But no, he needed something to dispel his boredom. And he was already halfway there.

House got out his lockpicking tools – taken from the glove compartment he kept them in, because you just never knew when you’d need ‘em – and quietly did his thing. Remembering at the last minute that she might have engaged the chain-latch. Oops. Oh well, he was there, he might as well try.

But as luck had it, once he was done the door swung silently open. Excellent. House peered in, but Cameron wasn’t in the living room area. Very excellent. Moving as quietly as possible, House shuffled in and shut the door behind him. The cane-thumps would make too much noise, so he just held it up off the floor, moving instead in a slow limping walk.

He checked the kitchen next. Nope. That left the long corridor in front of him. There was a door closed at the end of it, and House now realized, as he stopped and listened, that there was a curious noise coming faintly from behind the door. A kind of…buzzing. Was she using an electric razor to shave her legs, or something?

As quietly as possible, he limped-crept closer.

Nearing the door, he saw that it wasn’t actually closed all the way. There was a small space open between the edge of the door and the frame. He reached out to lightly grab the knob, and slowly pushed the door so that it opened inward, into the room on the other side.

Once the door was halfway open he was just about to step in, when he was very abruptly brought to a stop by the sight in front of him.

He held the door still so that it wouldn’t creak or bash into anything. He didn’t want it to inadvertently announce his presence to the woman kneeling on the bed in front of him

She was stark naked and sitting back on her heels, head thrown back, eyes closed as she ground her hips against the source of the buzzing sound.

She was so absorbed in her activity that she didn’t seem to have noticed that she now had an audience.

 _Shit,_ he thought to himself. It was too bad he didn’t have a video phone. He could have made a fortune.

This was better than most of his porn.

The Good Dr. Cameron all raw and uninhibited, her hair flowing freely over her shoulders. And playing with a vibrator big enough to…well frankly, make a few breeds of donkey jealous.

He watched as she ran one hand over her breast before continuing lower. Her areolas were dark and puckered, forming her nipples into tight little peaks that he could almost feel against his tongue.

She continued to thrust her hips against the toy, letting out panting gasps occasionally.

Suddenly leaning her body forward she braced one hand against her thigh, and, eyes squinted tightly shut, used her other hand to remove the rounded end from within herself and slowly slide it up between her labia.

Her expression morphed into a near grimace as she inched it upward at an agonizingly slow pace toward the purple nub that protruded from her pink petals.

House would sooner have gouged his own eyes out, rather than look away.

She whimpered needily as she passed the tip across her clit.

He nearly choked, just trying to keep down a loud groan.

****

Cameron took a few deep breaths, and then slid the toy back inside herself. She could tell this was building up to a _really_ great orgasm, and she wanted to be filled when it happened.

She ground her hips so that it would hit just the right spot inside of her…close…almost…

Arching her back, she cried out toward the ceiling as wave after wave of pleasure wracked her body.

When it began to subside, she twisted the vibrator off at the base, and sort of collapsed into herself.

She held herself up with one hand against her thigh, her hair fallen forward into her face, as she waited for her breathing to slow back down to normal.

****

Okay, it was official. She definitely beat all of his porn, House thought to himself with the small part of his brain that was coherent beyond: _Cameron…moaning, panting….Greg like._

Videos may have been a bit more colorful, but you’d be hard pressed to improve on a finish like that-

 _Maybe if she’d been screaming my name,_ another part of his subconscious jumped in, the thought adding to the puddle of drool that was probably forming around his feet by now.

He was brought back to reality by a shifting sound as she slid the toy out of herself. She raised her head, brushing her hair out of her eyes as she looked up.

He had about two seconds to prepare himself before being assaulted by an ear-splitting scream (and not the good kind).

Cameron scrambled to grab the duvet cover.

“House, what the hell are you doing here?” she screeched while wrapping the duvet as tightly around herself as she could.

“You’re supposed to be at the conference! How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” he snickered.

“Oh God!” she groaned.

“Hey, don’t be ashamed, it was quite a show,” he said, leering at her, “You should go into business. The guys at the hospital would love it.”

“That isn’t funny!”

“No, really…I bet Chase alone would fork up a couple hundred for a peep show.”

“House, please stop it,” she begged.

“What? It isn’t as if anyone will be surprised to find out what a self-reliant woman you are,” he snorted, “After they see the size of your plastic friend there, it’ll probably finally make sense to everyone why you’re so cheerful all the time.”

That was the final straw. Cameron saw red. She held tightly to her impromptu toga as she put her feet on the floor, and drew herself up as tall as possible to face him.

“You vulgar son of a bitch!” she growled, letting the anger take over.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I wouldn’t need my ‘plastic friend’, as you called it, if not for the fact that there aren’t any men out there who are worth a damn in bed?”

 _Damn, apparently angry Cameron equals foul-mouthed Cameron. And she calls me vulgar…_ House laughed to himself.

“Now, Dr. Cameron, that’s hardly fair, and if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million-billion times, don’t exaggerate!” he snarked patronizingly.

“Oh, I don’t think I am,” she threw back challengingly. Damn, him and his constant mockery! She wondered how he’d like a taste of it himself.

“All the men I know are either unwilling or incapable…” she continued, and then smirked mirthlessly, she added “…sometimes both.”

House’s expression darkened. He knew she was baiting him, and she had a lot of nerve trying to do so! Mind games were his thing, and he’d be damned if he was going to let her get away with turning his own methods around on him.

She was in big trouble.

She smirked at him, sensing she’d hit the mark. Wondering how far she could push this. “My ‘plastic friend’, after all, never gets soft. That’s something you’d know a lot about, right, House? All that Vicodin and alcohol-“

Something snapped. Must’ve been his self-control giving way, because he was suddenly on the bed with her, kissing her hard, hands tangled up in her hair. He grabbed the ‘plastic friend’ and hurled it to the floor, not caring if he broke it. Next went the duvet, yanked from around her and also dumped unceremoniously to the floor.

He finally pulled away. But not far. She’d stirred his blood, and he wasn’t about to back down. Instead, he moved back in, roughing his cheek over hers as he leaned to growl in her ear. “I’ll show you ‘incapable’. You’ll be incapable of _walking_ when I’m done.”

She pulled away and met his eyes, laughing low in her throat. “Right. All talk and no relevant action yet, _Gregory_ ,” she mocked. She started to move away. She finally had the upper hand, and she wasn’t going to give it up.

A strong hand on her wrist drew her back. Cyan eyes looking her up and down while he fumbled one-handed to get out of his own clothes.

Well, at least he didn’t have to undress her. Thank God for small mercies. He was now down one hand. And always one leg, after all.

Cameron watched him, affecting an air of complete amusement, hiding her reaction once his boxer-briefs came off and an impressive erection was revealed.

He’d show her. “Vibrators,” he whispered, gripping her shoulders to hold her still, “can’t do _this_.” His mouth dropped to her breast, sucking one pretty pink tip. She gasped, hands clenching at her sides, and he grinned against her satiny skin. “Or _this_ ,” he added, scraping his cheek lightly over the other nipple, prickles teasing her, before suckling gently.

She arched her back, reaching out to touch him. God, he was so warm. Warmer than she’d expected, muscles flexing under her hands.

But then he pushed her back, settling her on the pillows. She watched with half-lidded eyes as he slid strong hands up her legs, from ankle to mid-thigh, easing them apart. Closing her eyes completely as he leaned down, hot breath against her even hotter flesh.

She’d already come, thanks to Mr. Plastic, leaving her wet and fragrant. He breathed deep, savouring, making her wait. Enjoying the view.

She trembled, waiting for him to touch her. He had to touch her. Or she’d personally see to it that he’d need a ‘plastic friend’ of his own. As a _prosthetic_.

“It also can’t do _this_ , either,” he finally said, low and raspy. Before slipping his tongue in one long wet stroke the length of her, ending with an extra twitch against her clit.

She bit off a moan, resisting the urge to push down and against him. To tangle fingers in his hair and tug him. He’d work harder if she made him ‘chase’ her.

He wasn’t bored any more. Hell, no. He was getting the full sensory experience here. The sight of Cameron, flushed and sweaty on the pillows with their girly (didn’t it just figure) flowery pillowcases. The sounds of her breathing, the half-choked off groans. The salty taste of her on his tongue, her scent heavy in the air. And the feel of her softness against his lips, the pulsing little organ practically rising to meet him…

She wanted him inside her. She’d waited long enough. By sheer force of will, she pulled away from him, putting on her best bored expression. “If that’s the _best_ you can do, then yeah, Mr. Plastic’s got you beat. ‘Incapable of walking’, my _ass_.”

The look of shock on his face was priceless. Even better than the look he’d given her the night she’d worn that red dress. She liked seeing House caught off-guard, she decided. She’d have to try to get him to look that way more often.

Shock gave way to determination. “Your ass, huh? Maybe you’re kinkier than I gave you credit for, Dr. Cameron,” he hissed, climbing up the bed. Hiding a wince as his thigh protested so much weight being put on it, even for so brief a time.

She laughed at him. “Maybe some other time. After you’ve ‘proved’ you know what you’re doing.”

He scowled at her, then climbed over her. But they were missing something. No way he was just going to get down to business like this, no matter how keen he was to ‘prove’ himself. He wasn’t ready for the pitter-patter of little Houses and Camerons running around. That was something else he could do that vibrating plastic couldn’t.

He stretched out his arm, opening the top drawer of Cameron’s nightstand and pawing around. “Condoms,” he muttered, trying to stay focused as his aching erection rubbed against the smooth skin of her inner thigh. Very distracting.

She wasn’t helping, either, lying underneath him, teasing his nipples with her fingernails. Giving him her best innocent-eyed look when he glared down at her. “Little help for the cripple, here?” he finally growled after a few moments of fruitless scrabbling in the drawer.

Cameron sat up, deliberately letting her nipples scrape along his chest, and found a lone condom jammed into the back of the drawer. She dangled it between them. “Here you are, _Doctor_.”

Yeah, like he was going to be able to put it on and brace himself over her with both hands at the same time. Hm, slight design flaw in his plan.

He snatched the condom from her, then rolled onto his back by her side. A tear and an impatient fumble, and he was ready. He caught her elbow, pulling her on top of him, seizing her hips and positioning her above him. She’d given Mr. Plastic the ride of its life, sitting up in this same position. And _direct comparisons_ were always superior.

She smirked down at House, and then reached to guide him into herself. He wasn’t quite as big as Mr. Plastic, and he didn’t vibrate, but there was something to be said for feeling him underneath her. Smooth, warm skin with a sprinkling of hair under her hands, hips and legs under her thighs. And those eyes, watching her every movement with rapt attention.

He’d enjoyed the view while watching her amuse herself with her toy, but this view was even better. Still raw and uninhibited, eyes closed as she started to slide herself up and down on him faster and faster. Her hair still tumbling fetchingly over her shoulders. Her nipples still in tight, tempting little peaks. Except that now, he didn’t have to imagine how they’d feel against his tongue…he could try it and see.

She didn’t open her eyes, even when she felt his callused hands on her, pulling her a bit further forward on his body. And then he was sucking hard at her nipples again. She panted and gasped, riding him a little faster. It was true, Mr. Plastic couldn’t do what House was doing to her right now.

He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. It was too exciting, having Cameron bouncing up and down on him like this. And there was the purple nub of her clit, beckoning him again. Would he get the same interesting near-grimace from her if he touched it? The same look she’d had earlier while playing with her toy? He loved _experiments_.

She gasped, almost lurching right off his lap in her surprise as a firm fingertip touched her right below her clit. It moved upward then, slowly circling, pressing, and she couldn’t hold on any more, throwing her head back as the first wave of pleasure engulfed her once again, his name escaping her lips. Her last thought, as she collapsed bonelessly down across his chest, was that he’d been right. No plastic buddy could do what House had just done, penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time, plus rough hands leaving blazing trails across her heated skin.

Yep, he’d gotten the almost-grimace, right before she’d lost control, hands clenching on his shoulders and her inner muscles dancing around his dick. Hell, she’d even said his name. Perfect.

She was lying on him, sweet, hot flesh pressed the length of his torso, soft strands of hair looping over his face, and he gave a few final hard thrusts into her, finally climaxing himself.

She pulled off of him so he could remove the condom (he tied the end into a knot with practiced ease, and pegged it into a nearby trashcan, also with practiced ease), and then she let him draw her into his arms again.

Mmmm, now this was what he called a homecoming. “So, I take it you missed me?” he asked.

She chuckled sleepily. “Hey, if you’re away, you can’t fault me for ‘taking matters into my own hands’.”

“Yeah, but did you have to pick such a…‘well-endowed’ friend? You’re going to give me a complex.”

Cameron just snorted. “ _You_ a complex? You’re the one who snuck up on me. You trying to give me a heart attack, Greg?”

House put on his best affronted expression, all while stroking light fingertips down her arm. “And miss out on the hottest sex show this side of Princeton, Allison? I think not. Wait til I tell everyone at work! Just watching Chase trying not to come in his pants will provide _hours_ of amusement.”

That made her sit up. “You wouldn’t _dare_!” she exclaimed, glaring at him.

“Why not?” House went on, “Foreman will put on his best ‘disgusted’ face, Chase’ll be trying not to whack off under the table-“ his words were cut off as she thwacked him in the face with a pillow.

Man, she was annoyed at him. She knew what he was like, but this was pushing it, even for him. “House,” she said, leaning in close to his face, “you say _anything_ , and I swear to God, I’ll tell everyone and their mother just how long you and I have been going out. I’ll bet the PPTH grapevine would _love_ to know all about that.”

He sighed, and pulled her even closer. “Six months we've been dating, and you still don't know when I'm joshing you?” He kissed her, forestalling another annoyed reply. “Hello, man who likes to cleverly have no personal life, here?” He put gentle fingers in her hair, stroking the long loose ripples. “Wilson’s nagging alone would have me trying to brain myself with my own cane within the first couple of hours.”

She laughed at that, shaking her head. “You’re still a jerk,” she told him, even as she snuggled back into his arms.

“Yeah, but I’m _your_ jerk.” He reminded her, pronouncing the words with a dramatic flourish.

“Just behave yourself, Greg,” she reminded him. “Mr. Plastic is easily replaceable…”


End file.
